How family mediations could equal being in the house of cards for the mediator.  

Personal sharing: This one reflection from a husband-wife mediation reached its intense level in the caucus sessions. The caucus sessions loaded me with so much in itself: expressions, emotions, feelings, words, tears, heaviness, all summed up with intimate pieces of information.  

I felt high tension in my ability to depersonalise from everything that was going on in the room. 

I was also silently questioning my mediation training: Was staying independent, impartial, neutral – part of the non-reactivity lessons? Well, I was about to learn. 

___

A few sentences from the caucus sessions went like this:  

“And if I could only walk in straight, hold her tight, I knew we would lock our lips. Can you help?” 

“We have been knowing each other for 10+ plus years now, but today feels a failure in knowing each other.”

“If I told you our journey of togetherness, I am sure you would be lost in it as I am right now… I remember how we got comfortable with our stomach grumbling around silence, awkward family gatherings… How am I supposed to get over this?”  

“We are leaving each other behind, making separation arrangements for the tangible assets, but the intangible gifts we gave each other – what about those? how will you help our settle the intangible assets?” 

“Thank you, Ms Mediator – a detachment feels better if done rightly, respectfully, in a mindful way. & it was time. Although, this divorce won’t mean to vanish everything that we lived through.” 

___ 

A good sigh.

I picked my early morning time to let my feelings from the reflections flow. By noon now, this small piece of writing still feels empty of many not-captured words. Either I was overwhelmed about rehearing the conversations in my head or I didn’t want to write everything out. 

The sentence that will stay with me for a long while is – a detachment feels better if done rightly, respectfully, in a mindful way. & it was time.”  

I am reasoning this situation to be an example of a subtle closure to further moving on.  What do you think?  

I am also learning how some reflections stay with us without being written about, shared, or be acknowledged.   

In the end my heart, aches. The detachment was certain. Moving on sensed clearer than ever for both the spouses. (this sentence will raise doubts on my ability to depersonalise to this family mediation, but the efficient healing activity for a mediator will be to acknowledge that the mediator is as human as the other, filled with emotions and personal life experiences.)  

It was an experience worth dedicating my skills and passion for mediation and collaborative dispute resolution.  I am happy to have chosen this career.

My role as a mediator, at every moment, felt equal to be sitting in a house of cards. During this entire period of mediation session (a few weeks), the very words before I slept were “dear wind… please be gentle.” 

Have you felt anything near here? You are welcome to write in your thoughts :).

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